Failing

So, I started this blog over a year ago during the summer going into my junior year of college.  While I thought I would post on it regularly when I returned to school that fall, the exact opposite happened.  I loved what I was posting and was happy to share my thoughts with friends, but the dynamic of the blog changed when I returned to school.  I birthed this blog because I was unsure about life and the path that was correct for me, like many of you reading this.  Then it turned into me sharing my random thoughts and ways of dealing with boys.  However, the time spent writing these previous posts was executed in the safety of my room at home- the only people that were around to judge me were my parents, who obviously would throw me a 'like' no matter what. 

With that being said, I cannot tell you how many times I have attempted to write out the experiences that have happened to me since.  But every time I tried, I never posted anything because I realized the stories and people I wanted to talk about would probably show up in front of my face at some point within the next week.  And you can bet they would know that I was talking about them in my post.  So, you see my pickle.  What's changed is that now I'm starting to care less and less about what people think.  This chapter of my life is closing, and a few months from now some of our biggest issues will be so minute in hindsight.  

Right now I write to you in an even scarier state of life than I was in when my first post was published (scroll all the way down if you want to start from the beginning). If you had asked me a year and a half ago where I thought I would be now, I would have assumed my shit would be together.  Nope.  My shit is scattered so far apart all the pooper scoopers in the world could not get it together.  What's crazy though, is that people don't think of me this way.  I will admit I have many random talents, but number one right now has got to be hiding what I'm actually feeling, and pushing aside the issues I know I should be pushing to the forefront. 

Last week I had the pleasure of hearing Brandon Stanton speak at the University of Florida.  Brandon is the founder of Humans of New York, a blog in which many of you are avid followers.  He spoke on many topics, but what I took away from his speech was this: in order to get what you want, you must become really good at failing. 

Well, I am terrified of failing.  So there's that.  I know I need to get over it, but it's hard to accept that before you reach the point of self satisfaction, you are required to fail umpteen times.  Que the tears.  My journey of failing has just begun, and I know that I have a long road ahead.  So here's to falling on my face and to hoping that one day my failures won't be failures anymore.